Children can be bullied by teachers or students, even in the most prestigious schools.
You chose a private school because you believed it would care for your child - academically, socially, and emotionally. You paid steep fees for safety, values, and prestige.
So, when your child starts suffering, being sidelined or unfairly singled out by teachers, or bullied by classmates, it’s understandable that you may wonder how the elite school you trusted could cause harm.
Wherever you are, London, New York, or Singapore, you expect your child’s school to be both safe and true to its values. But even in the most reputable private schools, power can be misused, and systems that should protect pupils are instead protecting reputations.
When privilege hides harm
Reputation can easily outweigh accountability in elite schools. Parents stay quiet because they fear the social backlash. Children stay silent too, not only from bullying but also from harm caused by teachers, staff, or administrators.
In private schools, every aspect is intentional: class size, curriculum, and pastoral care. Yet those very systems can be misused, perhaps subtly at first through exclusion from elective groups, whispering, overlooked efforts, or punitive reporting that feels arbitrary.
When a school protects its image over its pupils, legitimate complaints get brushed aside, and after years of trust, challenging that culture can feel daunting.
Bullying by teachers continues in private schools
A UK study from 2020 found that students in private schools were 15% more likely to report bullying – including peer victimisation, verbal or physical abuse - than their state school peers.
Led by the University of York and based on data from more than 2,600 people, the study revealed that those who attended independent schools experienced higher levels of what researchers termed peer victimisation over time.
The 2014 Education (Independent School Standards) Regulations specify that independent schools in England must include a means for people to raise complaints that is official. They have to offer it to parents and follow the rules on how to handle concerns. How well any organisation meets such standards usually decides how responsible they are.
Yet, despite regulation, serious failures continue to surface even in prestigious schools.
This year, three staff members from the LIFE School in Wirral were prosecuted after a BBC Panorama investigation revealed bullying and “gratuitous degradation” of pupils. Also this year, The Heights Academy in Solihull faced scrutiny for staff behaviour described as “bullying and punitive,” including isolating emotionally distressed students.
In Scotland, inquiries into Merchiston Castle School and Edinburgh Academy exposed decades-long cultures of emotional and physical abuse, where power dynamics were “normalised” and teacher cruelty went unchallenged until recently.
These situations aren’t unique to the UK. In the US, for instance, several top schools – including Choate Rosemary Hall and Saint Paul’s – have faced lawsuits and investigations over misconduct, intimidation, and cover-ups. Private schools there follow different processes from public ones, which can make things less transparent and allow harmful cultures to continue unchecked.
That’s not to say all private schools behave badly — far from it. Most are responsible and committed to their students’ wellbeing. But these examples show how reputation and hierarchy can sometimes cloud accountability. It’s why parents need to know what warning signs to look for, and what to do if something feels wrong.
It can feel hard to speak up
Our founder and CEO, Adam Caller, says:
“Raising concerns can feel impossibly hard. You may worry about social fallout, your family’s reputation and whether you may have misread the situation. It’s certainly a lonely place to stand in, but you’re not overreacting. When it comes to protecting your child, diligence is never misplaced.”
How to address issues with the school
- Document everything quietly: Keep a private log with dates, times, names, quotes, and your child’s reactions. Encourage your child to write their own record. Stick to facts, but include emotions.
- Speak calmly but stay firm: Start with the right staff, such as the tutor, housemaster, or pastoral lead. Use calm language. Say, “I want to understand what’s happening,” instead of, “You’re wrong.” Listen to their view, note your concern, and ask for a written follow-up by a set date.
- Use formal complaints when needed: If nothing changes, move to the formal process. Ask for written replies, clear timelines, and appeal options. In elite schools, this may go to governors or an independent panel. Learn how that system works before you proceed.
- Seek external support: Bring in objective advisors, such as education lawyers, independent consultants, or external safeguarding agencies. You don’t have to fight alone. Their perspective helps you frame your case, guard against defensiveness, and keep momentum.
And if the school’s culture simply won’t change, remember: you are not trapped. Some families find that stepping away, whether temporarily or longer term, brings relief and restores their child’s confidence. Others explore alternatives such as bespoke home education, online provision, or full-time private tutoring tailored to the child’s needs and wellbeing. There are always options, even when it feels as though there aren’t.
Private tutoring instead of school
Many families we’ve supported have reached that point where they’re exhausted by school meetings, disappointed by promises, and afraid that their child’s light is dimming. While it can feel like a failure to walk away from a prestigious school, it’s often the first truly protective step a parent takes. Here are some of the students we’ve helped.
Sometimes the best way forward is not to fight the system but to build something better around your child.
Children have a single shot at a happy and successful education. A school may not invest the same care in providing that as parents would hope, so they should be prepared to remove the child from the school completely if the bullying doesn’t stop.
Contrary to typical school advice, it’s perfectly feasible to remove a child from school in the middle of the year, even in exam years with coursework unfinished. Private tutoring at home can enable the child to complete the year, including coursework and exams, in a safe environment.
Adam gives an example of bullying by a US school in Barcelona:
“The school failed this bright, capable child by making him jump through hoops to re-sit an exam, then refused entrance to the exam hall at the very last minute. The decision was taken solely by the head teacher, without consultation with other staff, and made at literally the last moment. To allow this to happen, and put a child at such a disadvantage, is a prime example of bullying by the school itself.”
This pupil was removed from the school and tutored at home for the duration of the school year, and has now passed his exam with high marks.
At Tutors International, we’ve seen every version of this transition, from children rediscovering their confidence after emotional harm to teenagers preparing successfully for university following tailored one-to-one support.
When children are seen and heard, their confidence returns, anxiety lifts and they start to trust adults again. Our tutors are not simply educators; they’re mentors, advocates, and stabilising influences in a period of upheaval, rebuilding curiosity and self-belief.
Every family’s path looks different, but leaving a school can be your family’s way to reclaim control. Instead of enduring a system that isn't working for them, design an education worthy of your child’s potential.
